If you have ever asked a golfer, “Hey Joe, how was your game today?” – the answer will most assuredly be guaranteed to slant towards the negative. A canned response can range anywhere from “It was ok, but…” to “I played pretty shitty and who the hell is ‘Joe’?” Oh sure, some might admit they “played great” but they are lying.
In golf, misery loves company and we certainly do not take kindly to those who are not only better than us but who also feel the need to remind us of that fact.
Currently I am a 20-handicap – which is the golf equivalent of Schrödinger’s Cat: where I am both good and bad depending on whether or not I actually play.
Shooting over 100 for 18-holes is unacceptable. Under 100 for 18-holes is common. Under 95 is considered a good round. The goal of breaking 90, however, remains elusive though I might very well write a book, debase a water tower or certainly post it on Facebook if/when that ever happens.
Until then, non-score related experiences from the course (or “tracks” as others have called them), will have to suffice.
Wigwam: Blue Course
The courses at The Wigwam Resort in Arizona (and yes, there are multiple) are not only real, they are spectacular. A bit pricey, of course, but if you are willing to play in 110° summer heat or in the afternoon where playing a full 18-holes is proverbial pipe-dream, then they fall into the category of barely affordable.
Which was the case a few weeks ago when I had the day off from work and I thought to myself: Oh what the hell?
A multitude of gaggles
Most of the pictures I took while waiting on the foursome ahead of me included one, two, or perhaps up to ten or more geese. Which was fine until a platoon-sized gaggle of these feathery bastards decided to surround my ball. It was a new Titleist and I was not going to give it up so easily.
After taking the picture, I stood up planning to take a wide approach to my ball. At that same time, let’s call him Gary, Gary chose to stand up as well. To quote comedian Ron White, I did not know how many of Gary’s friends it would have taken to swarm my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use. So I sat back down and waited. Fortunately, my ball (and those geese) were in another fairway so it became a matter of patiently waiting for an oncoming foursome to distract and scatter the geese so that I could make my move (which led to a 197 yard 3-wood shot that landed just shy of the green.)
Earlier, I came across what can best be described as an plethora of feathers (the picture does it no justice). My first thought was that former MLB pitcher Randy Johnson was staying at The Wigman. Though it was suggested to me later that it could have been the result of a coyote attack (as apparently coyotes like to get in a quick-9 at night and hate the idea of a goose trying to play through).
The Wigwam and retirement
On the 9th hole, I played with an 87-year old retired couple. He spent 21 years in the Air Force and they have been members at The Wigwam for the last 20. They were such a nice couple who, unfortunately, were not very good at golf. And they were slow. Painfully slow. Had I been paired with them from the first hole, I might have gone seeking a coyote.
Still. They were out on the course, together, on an incredible 70° sunny late-November day, having fun. As the kids today might say, hashtag-life-goal.
And you know what? Turns out, I actually played ok, buuuuttt…